I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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