My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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