so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
