The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
