I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
