Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
