based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
pray to the hookup gods
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
