His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
