I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
grandma shit on top of the toilet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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