am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
