I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
