so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
