I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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