it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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