shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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