so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
