Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
