Are we in a gay sports bar?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
