i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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