before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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