I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
