They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
