i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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