Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
