There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
