he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
