dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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