found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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