genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
soo... how was my night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
