If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
