He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
