All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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