They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
