my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
