i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
