You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
