He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
