Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
false alarm. still invincible.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
