Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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