Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
