I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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