I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
