We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
