I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
