Already got asked if we're dating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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