The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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