You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
