I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He felt like a one man threesome
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
