I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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