Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
