Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
