Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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