I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
