drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
