Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we still banned from the library?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
