you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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