I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
