i love accidental penises.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
