Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
