how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
